What’s Your Move?

I think my move to take out Sheila would be to run away as fast as possible. I’m not fast, though, so I would probably have to hope that I could pull off some sort of Dragon Punch to the udder or something. Do minotaurs have udders? Is minotaurs the plural of minotaur? Minostaur? These are the mental tangents I go on while writing these newsposts, because my brain is soup with Super Nintendo cartridges and VHS tapes floating in it.

BURGERPunk The RPG continues to serve up juicy stretch goals. The illustrated short story (written by Cait, drawings by me) has been unlocked, and are now working toward the additional stretch goals created because we blew through so many of the early ones so quickly. Next up is expanding the Weapons & Weirdos supplement to include full colour art and fiction in the style of a field guide (by Ashely Adams), followed by expanding the BURGER(reci)Punk ‘zine to include illustrations and rules to use the recipes as in-game items.

Embrace the Living Meat(TM). Become BURGERPunk.

The Old Femur Harmonica Song and Dance

At some point there will be an actual femur harmonica in the comic, maybe? That seems like the next level of this recurring joke.

BURGERPunk The RPG is on Kickstarter now! It’s already funded and we’ve served up 5 of 7 stretch goals, but there are still stretch goals and nearly four weeks left, so become one with the Living Meat(TM). BURGERPunk is absolutely the weirdest thing I’ve worked on, and if you want to hear more about it, you can hear Cait talking about our process of writing tabletop RPGs and the origins of BURGERPunk on the Rite Gud podcast. You can also hear us talking BURGERPunk and the movie Hell Comes to Frogtown on Podside Picnic.

You can also click on the image below to back BURGERPunk. The digital tier with the book and all the stretch goals is only $5 CAD, with the print version (and all the digital stuff!) is $15 + shipping. Here’s a look at one of the 7 Flavour Profiles (character classes), the Cola Commando.

Click on the Cola Commando and back BURGERPunk on Kickstarter!

Bridget, Bar Fight Champion of Hell

Bridget, Bar Fight Champion of Hell could also be the name of a Hell, Inc. video game where Bridget beats up demons. Maybe if Guinea Pig Press RPGs continue to do well, I’ll become wealthy enough to be the dictator of a small video game studio that adapts my comics into games. For some reason I recently started thinking about Hell, Inc. as an action platformer (like how everything got adapted as an action platformer in the NES/Super NES era). Doug bouncing around Hell popping people in the schnozz with his Popeye arms and collecting souls or something.

EMPLOYEE OF THE WEEK:

Leonardo is Employee of the Week! They supported the creation of Hockeypocalypse: Slashers, and helped make that book ! You can do that with my next graphic novel, Rent-A-Thug, which I will be serializing on Patreon as well. Backers at the $5/month and up tiers will get a copy mailed to them when it’s finished!

In other news, BURGERPunk the RPG launches on TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 14th! Click the image below to sign up to be notified when the campaign launches! The main event is the BURGERPunk The RPG ‘zine, which is 32 pages of fast food action movie post-apocalypse chaos including the complete gameplay rules (using Powered by the Apocalypse) and 7 Flavour Profiles (character classes), available in print and digital formats.

Spirit-ual Journey

Wordless strips are always a weird thing to make, because they force me to confront the fact that they require just as much work, but a lot of readers will look at them for about 2 seconds. It’s similar to knowing that a 22 page comic takes about 200 hours to draw, plus another 50 or 60 for colouring and lettering, but there are a ton of readers who will take 5-10 minutes to read it. That ratio feels pretty grim! I can’t even fathom what it’s like to make a movie, where it takes tens of thousands of hours to create a two hour-ish film. That said, would I be hyped to make a movie or a TV show out of one of my comics? Yes. Yes I would.

Also, exciting news, everyone! BURGERPunk The RPG hits Kickstarter on February 14th! Click on the image below to visit the pre-launch page and be notified when the campaign starts!

EMPLOYEE OF THE WEEK:

Shane Lees is Employee of the Week! He has a webcomic, Tales of Abuse, which you can check out at his website. You should also check out the Hell, Inc. Patreon, which is my predictable form of income. One of these days it will replace the need to freelance! Not a SOON day, but one day!

Next Week: Do not steal Sheila’s drink, and absolutely do not interrupt Sheila’s move-busting. Read it early on Patreon!

Sheila’s Sign Language

Sheila’s Sign Language is much easier to learn than ASL, but more limited in expression. It’s really just communicating the one idea, isn’t it? Still, it’s an important one.

EMPLOYEE OF THE WEEK:

Brien Aronov is Employee of the Week, and you can too! Get Employee of the Week shoutouts, read my next graphic novel as I draw it (more on that in the near future!) or commission digital art! All of those things also help provide a level of predictability to my income that basically doesn’t exist otherwise, because freelancing is chaos!

If you want to keep up with what I’m working on, what my friends are doing, and (most importantly) see cute photos of my pets, sign up for my monthly(ish) newsletter!

Cerberus

The first appearance of Cerberus! He starred in the short story included in the first Hell, Inc. print book, but this is the first time he’s appeared outside of it. Did I completely forget how to draw him in the interim? ABSOLUTELY.

EMPLOYEE OF THE WEEK:

Leonardo is Employee of the Week, and jumped on board to read Hockeypocalypse: Slashers as I draw it! You can, too, and patrons at the $5/month and greater levels will be getting print copies when those are ready! It’s definitely the best book I’ve done so far, and the first five pages can be read for free! Also, Patreon is a helpfully consistent source of income, so support at any amount is much appreciated!

You can also help Hell, Inc. gain more visibility by voting for it on Top Webcomics! You can vote daily by clicking on the banner!

Next Week: Super Manual Labour Funtimes! Read it early on Patreon!

The Client Yeeting Department

I wish my jobs had client yeeting departments. Throwing customers into the sun when they annoy me? Hell yeah.

EMPLOYEE OF THE WEEK:

Shane Lees is Employee of the Week! He has launched a new webcomic, Tales of Abuse, which you can check out at his website. You should also check out the Hell, Inc. Patreon, where for $5/month you can read Hockeypocalypse: Slashers as I draw it! I’m in the midst of the absolutely massive issue 15 (which is 60 pages long!) You also get Hell, Inc. strips early, or, at higher levels, you can commission original art from me!

You can also vote for Hell, Inc. on Top Webcomics! It’s the beginning of the month, so the rankings have reset and votes are worth more upward mobility in the standings. Click on the banner below to vote daily!

Next Week: The three-headed hound of Hell! Read it early on Patreon!

Forgetful

You’ve gotta be a special kind of forgetful to not remember the human being you’re holding up by the face. Also a special kind of strong. A MINOTAUR kind of strong.

In my head, I was hearing that last paragraph like an over-dramatic ad read.

EMPLOYEE OF THE WEEK:

Postmodern Locke joins the company, and is our newest Employee of the Week. They didn’t give me anything to plug, but I thank them for their patronage! If you want to be thanked for your patronage, and get a shoutout in the newspost, hit up the Hell, Inc. Patreon and pay my art-producing ass. That’s right, my ASS produces the art. I should go to bed.

Next Week: Return to the Planet of The Office. I’m not sure what that even means, to be honest. Find out what it means on Patreon!

Femur Harmonica

Femur Harmonica is the name of my new zydeco metal band, we’ll be opening for The Dusty Udders next weekend.

In other news, writing really elaborate threats that may or may not even make sense is really fun.

EMPLOYEE OF THE WEEK:

We’ve got a new Employee of the Week, which is great because I get sick of doing the same ones over and over. Welcome Ben Hamlin to the company, host of the pirate-themed Pathfinder podcast Cursed. If you’re one of the zillion listeners of the Adventure Zone, give it a listen! If you want to be Employee of the Week, hit up the Hell, Inc. patreon and keep the corporate gold card paid off.

Next Week: Taking the intern for a walk. Read it early by supporting Hell, Inc. on Patreon!